Tips for finding and working with a counsellor.

What brings people to counselling is different and individual for everyone. It might come about during times of crisis or breaking point… Where a ‘rock bottom’ has been reached and your feeling unsure how to move forward. Or, in some cases it might be the niggling problem or issue which keeps occurring. Just getting to the point of looking for a counsellor can be a big step and with the wide-ranging counselling sites and directories available, where do we even start?

I wanted to put together some tips and suggestions which I hope may be helpful when looking for a counsellor and within those early few sessions.

·       Consider practicalities – Ask yourself, would I prefer to meet with someone face to face or online and how can I fit the session times into my week. As a counsellor I often recommend that clients come to sessions on a weekly or fortnightly basis, particularly at the beginning. This helps to build the counselling relationship and momentum of the work. How does this fit into your working/family week and where can time be found for sessions to take place consistently? If you are going to start online counselling, do you have a private space where you won’t be interrupted? Counselling offers a wonderful space for you to think about and prioritise yourself. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but lean into this and gift yourself this time.

·       Consider allowing some time before and after sessions, as time for preparation and self-care - Counselling can bring up powerful emotions, memories, and feelings. Self-care following a session can be a helpful way of settling your nervous system and bringing yourself back into the here and now. It could be as simple as factoring in time for a cup of tea and a sit down, to booking your session on a day/at a time when you won’t have to return to work.

·       Check for counsellors’ professional membership – When looking online, ensure that your counsellor has BACP, UKCP, NCPS or equivalent membership. This means that the counsellor belongs to a registered body and works within their ethical codes of practice.

·       Specific needs – Consider whether it would be helpful for your counsellor to have a specific approach or specialism. For example, if you hope to speak with your counsellor about a traumatic experience or event, would it be helpful for them to have specific training in trauma, PTSD or EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation & Reprocessing). It is my belief that as counsellors, we should always be developing our knowledge and understanding, through training and learning. What skills/experience does your counsellor have that might support you in your counselling journey.

·       When meeting a counsellor, is there clarity around boundaries and expectations of the sessions – An essential part of building the counselling relationship is contracting which takes place at the first session. Here expectations such as confidentiality, information sharing and supervision should be discussed. If boundaries feel unclear or if anything feels uncomfortable, it is important to share this. If your still not satisfied, that counselling relationship might not be right for you.

·       The relationship between you and your counsellor is paramount - I often share with new clients that I am not expecting them to share their innermost thoughts, feelings, and experiences within the first or second sessions. Building trust and safety in the counselling relationship is vital, but may take time. Consider, is this counsellor someone I think I might be able to trust and feel safe with? Is this someone I might be able to open up to in time?

·       Take time to review with yourself and your counsellor how you’re finding the sessions and whether there is anything that is missing or something that may support the process and make it a more helpful experience for you.

·       Hold in mind, that counsellors do sometimes get it wrong – During sessions we might misunderstand or not get things right. Know that you have a role in sharing if this is the case and talking things through if you feel you have not been understood accurately. We are all human and sometimes mis-attunement can occur. By exploring this, often a stronger and more positive relationship can be built.

·       Lastly, be prepared for counselling to sometimes be hard and painful, as well as joyful and empowering – Taking time to explore ourselves and our experiences can be challenging. It can impact our relationships, perspectives, and behaviours. Counselling is essentially about change and change can be powerful. Trust and commit to the process. In doing so, I believe counselling can offer personal growth, enhance self-awareness, build resilience and give us all the opportunity to consider who we are. You might be surprised at what you learn about yourself!

If you are interested in starting your counselling journey, please check out my website and contact me for a free 15-minute introductory call.